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my girlfriends son treats her like an abusive husband would treat a submissive woman. how do i help?

she's ok with the abuse. she insists that its better to do as the son wants (the son is 14) than to say no and have an argument. He will walk past the refridgerator up to his room then yell to her to go and make him some grub. she'll make him a sandwich and he will have one bite, push it aside and say its better to eat out. He wants a hockey table today, we found out the sale is on monday but she will rather spend the extra $50 and get it today because he has to have it now. He'll spill food all over the living room floor then tell her how messy her house is and ask that she clean it so he can sleep better tonight. if she buys chips they MUST be the expensive kind, everything is about having the BEST of everything for him and the heck with anyone else. I've yet to see him or hear about one single thing that he has done for her. yet you cannot tell someone hoe to parent their child. i hate watching it. how do i help? i've told her to put him on an allowance and give him chore i've told her to give him chores and insist he start doing something, anything around the house, but its "her little baby" and "he'll grow out of it" she says with a smile. I wouldn't give that brat anything for the next year the way he acts. His birthday is coming up and we've been told not to come by him and his friends, just order pizza, have the cake and gifts ready, have the hockey table assembled and go hide in another room. why is she fine with this? My girlfriend and I both grew up in generous yet strict families, we both had chores, earner allowances and would be grounded for acting like this. family therapy is out as she will definitely not go. i don't like to try disciplining him since he's not my child and i don't feel like i have the right to do so, so i just shake my head and walk away. i have attempted several times to point things and ideas out but they just shrug them off. he stares at me with that "who are you to say so look" and she won't do anything. !!!!!!!!!!!! Sab B please contact me i'd like to ask you more questions or talk to you about my question and your answer. I can use your help on this one.

Public Comments

1. It looks like he is already past the point of discipline he has been getting everything he wants his whole life and hes 14??? This kid is going down the wrong road i tell you this now i work with teens in the system and you need to discipline from a young age, she might have to resort to sending him away either to a boot camp ( it really works) or to another family member maybe his dads? But im telling you now this teen is going no where and fast if he isnt straightened out
2. hmm maybe some counceling for your girlfriend, maybe she wants her son to feel good because his dad died or divorced or walked out on him and she probably has the feeling that she has to make her son happy. i also hear military school goes as young as 6th grade
3. I do not know what to tell you on this one,but it sounds to me like he needs a good butt beating!!! I have 4 kids and none of mine would ever treat me like that! Good luck to you and her.
4. If she does not want to lower the boom then you might want to re-consider this relationship. She is not going to confront him and deal with the issue at hand then it is only going to get worse. We might someday be reading about how your girlfriend was killed by her son because she finally refused to hand over money. She needs to wake up NOW.
5. If she is not willing to do anything to change his behavior there is not a lot you can do to help her. Single moms have more of a tendency to have sons with behavioral problems than single dads (My husband was a single dad for 9 years after his first wife passed away) because they feel guilty and want their kids to love them. Giving them what they want all the time (And it is proven in her case) is not a guarantee that their kids will love and respect them.They need to be even more strict than a 2 parent household. If I were you I would back out of the relationship. She isn't going to change and neither is he without help.
6. Tough situation. Basically, your girlfriend wants to avoid confrontation at all costs, and if she refuses to get theraphy, then there is not much you can do, I am afraid. Maybe she feels guilty for something, or the kid blames her for "living without a father" or something like that. Tell her that no, the boy will not outgrow that phase. It will get worse, until he physically hurts either her, your, or someone he has an argument with. I have a hard view on this: Tell her to get professional help, or you will walk out of her life. I witnessed the same problem within my family, it was a girl (well past 18 years old) in this case, who ended up falsely accusing his father in law of domestic violence, and falsely accussing the father of her child of molesting the very same child! The only solution this family found was leaving this girl alone, I mean, no support, no contact, no relationship whatsoever. Good luck!
7. leave ...
8. Even though this kid sounds as though he needs a sound thrashing....If you want to stay in this relationship...You Are BEST suited to stay out of it...he is not your child therefore whatever you say and/or do will only cause problems and stir resentment in not only the boy but in your G/F as well. This is a rebellious ,Disrespectful BRAT who is in desperate need of a good sound kick to the rear...but SHE has to be the one to do it...a Step-Parent trying to discipline RARELY if ever works out. Unfortunately your G/F is raising a misogynistic tyrant...and EVERYONE will pay for that...not only you, her and the boy, but Society as a whole... if this boys behavior is not checked this very instant..his next stop will more than likely be Juvenile Hall then Prison on down the road...if a child does not Respect his Mother then there is very little if anything or anyone he does Respect...most of all...Himself...sounds as though this child has not been taught to respect nor obey Mom...I have a 14 year old boy...and the thought of him acting this way is not even fathomable...All I can say is Good Luck and God Speed...
9. Doesn't sound like there is much you can do. I think that if mom wanted to change things, it would be difficult after so many years, but, since she doesn't , what can anyone do? Its very sad that she lets him treat her like this. Where is his father?
10. You don't send a kid off to boot camp for being spoiled unless you want to wreck his life. You can't walk into a relationship and start to assume a parental role. It's annoying and frustrating but all you can do is tell her to give you a call when her kids grown and outta the house. Sorry but thats the way it is and she's prolly lost a lot of boyfriends and friends because of her bratty kid but that won't change til he's grown and gone.