The best free bdsm sites - My husband was caught talking online about sex , BDSM , submission and doninance to women?

My husband was caught talking online about sex , BDSM , submission and doninance to women?

is that cheating? I can't help but feel horrible about all of it. Please help

Public Comments

Yes. he is.. He has a problem.. Get a counsellor
yes its cheating
talking online about this? I consider it horribly wrong. and a big mistake on his part. Cheating, yes I could consider it cheating. You need to talk to him about it. Tell him how this makes you feel.
well, maybe he's curious... maybe you could explore it with him (within limits). He is obviously curious or wanting it... be happy it's only chat... get involved, or get worried. both parties can find great powers with this type of thing... but clear boundaries need to be discussed and esablished AND RESPECTED
If you feel he has betrayed your trust, then it can be considered as cheating. Definitely try to talk it out, and maybe try some new things in bed that he may be into but things you are comfortable with
Yes, it is cheating. If he does not respect you or your relationship enough to stop and deal with his issues then get some outside help.
my wife does this daily. I felt horrible teh first time I saw / heard about her doing it. Its just a fantasy and if he takes it no further, its fine... but be careful and make suer he is honest with you.
yes, he is sort of cheating but in sicko manner... better leave him quick before he uses the BDSM, submission as well as dominance method on you...
Beat his ass. Tie him up first. Now if this isn't the best answer then I'll shut down my basement dungeon
really honey do you trust him ? has he ever cheated on you? if not then why worrie some men and women just like to be noticed it make's them feel good about there self's maybe you are not giving him something he need's and i'm not saying this to be mean i'm saying it because i've been here maybe you should try and do some sexy thing's for him and tell him how good looking he is and touch him in front of people to let him know he still has it just as long as it don't go out side the house it's not a biggie when your with someone for so long you kinded take each other for granted look into it
Have you two talked about what you consider cheating? If not now is a good time to set boundries. Also, try not to judge or label him. Find out why he is doing it. Maybe he is just board and the two of you could do something else that you are both comfortable with to spice things up for him.
Maybe you should check it out too. Submission/dominance can be yummy. My husband and I love it and it has improved our marriage and sex life. Like you wouldn't believe!
Men....Its so funny how this world works. Men are programed to spread there seed and were program to nest. Its natures little revenge on us all. I'm not saying these are excuse for men. They should keep it in there pants. I have no idea if he is cheating or not. Its defiantly something that you need to talk to him about. If he wont talk to you about it then there is worry that there might be more to it. Guys in general talk about sex. So talking about it on line wouldn't be any diff rent. It depends on what was actually said. I would feel very upset to. Just talk to your husband the truth will come out if he wants to work on things. If not at least you move on or get counseling. I hope I was helpful and good luck.
yes, he needs to be let known you will not tolerate that and ask him how would he feel if it were you that was doing that? maybe this is his fetish, and he is embarassed to tell u.... which in no way maes it right because if he has to hide this, what else is he hiding? make sure u tell him that he has lost all the trust you had for him...make sure to put your foot down so he knows u mean business
Well I caught my husband a couple of times watching porn and I got so pissed one day that he told that he was going to stop. My husband saw how hurt I would feel and that is what made him change and stop seeing that stuff. Your situation is different so yes I do consider that cheating cause he is talking to other females. Talk to him and tell him how you feel and it doesn't mean that he is going to stop but when he does it again he is going to think and tell himself my wife doesn't like for me to do this and that is how he is going to stop doing that. Good Luck and God Bless to you and your loved ones... :o)
just a fantasy
Yes it's cheating, and I understand your pain. I would be very angry.
Ok tp....almost all the answers u got so far are screwups. They don't know crap!!! Talkin and doin are two completely different things. Man I like watchin pornos (especially lesbians), but it ain't bothered my relationship in the least. My gf knows all about it too. Heck I even talk to her about how lesbians are stimulating. Every guy likes lookin at somethin or talkin about somethin stimulating...and just cuz your husband likes to talk about that particular thing don't mean he's gonna go out and do it man. Give him a break and he will probably talk to u about it too. And that don't mean he really wants to do it either.
If he is talking to one particular woman, that could be considered an emotional affair. The bigger issue though, is that he's viewing and or dabbling in this at all. He's opening pandora's box and damaging his relationship with you. He needs to stop.
I think the question is "Are YOU giving him what he needs? Men tend to go looking when they don't find what they need at home. At least, that's been my experience.
That is considered an emotional affair. Often times it starts out innocent, but eventually men get together with these ladies.
Maybe you've stumbled upon one of his secret desires. He may be too embarassed about it to open up to you about it. He may not be cheating, but fulfilling a "need" he has (not saying I personally understand it, but we all have our things). The question is - are you going to call him to task about it or maybe see if you can get into the fantasy of it with him?
It's not cheating - it's no more cheating than looking at a magazine or a old movie 25 or 50 years ago. Porno has been around like forever. he's telling You something by "letting" You catch him (unless he's a dummy) - and that is, he wants You to be his partner in this. Please consider going on-line and doing some research on the fem-domme world. If he is a subbie, then all You have to be is his Domme, and tell him not to do that online chat anymore. If he is a good subbie, he will obey You.
It is really no big deal unless he has a constant relationship with one particular woman or Dominatrix. Online "relationships" can become adictive and sometimes lead to amorous, inappropriate behavior in the "real world." The only real danger is if he becomes infatuated with who he believes the woman to be, which is almost always NOT who that person really is. It sounds to me like he is just role playing his bondage fantasies. Which, considering that it is online rather than real life, is pretty benign. Here's my advice (for what it's worth): Firstly talk to him. Let him know your concerns and what EXACTLY it is about his behavior which upsets you so. Tell him how you FEEL. Secondly, ask him to share with you HIS feelings, and why he feels the need to do this. The two of you could sexually (and sensuously) grow as a couple if this conversation is done right. "Right" meaning both of you trying to be understanding and loving and not confrontational. He may be embarrassed to talk to you about it. This may be exactly why he is doing this online rather that WITH YOU. If this is an ongoing fantasy of his, would you be willing to participate in this fantasy with him? Would you at least be willing to learn a little about BDSM with him to consider it? The two of you could start out with something simple like wrists tied to the bedpost with scarves. See how it goes, and then possibly move on from there. I can tell you this: It can be VERY erotic both as the dominant player and as the submissive player. To people who do not experiment with it, BD&SM can seem pretty odd behavior. I assure you that more people than you realize participate in this type of "play" and most likely you would be surprised by who those people are. Bottom line: TALK (calmly) to your husband.
listen to LILY P try it then hubby won't be talking to others he would be able to talk to you
Wow. What a loaded question. First off, BDSM is still a group of very misunderstood and in some people's opinions, "taboo" sexual practices. Most of us keep rather private about that aspect of our lives. So many people think it's ALL about the "whips and chains" or that it's about forcing an unwilling person to be a sexual slave, and that's not it at all. It's not even about pain. It can be, if both parties agree upon it....but it doesn't have to be. It sounds like this is a big fantasy for him, and he's probably been afraid of your reaction. Do some research on it. One of the other answerers stated that BDSM had enhanced her marriage. I have to agree with that. My husband and I are very close, sexually and spiritually, and I believe that BDSM has a lot to do with that. It takes so much trust to be able to willingly submit to another person.....it's just.....indescribable. Here are some links for you. Please, read up on it, and talk to your husband about it. It could open up a whole new world for the two of you.... http://www.amazon.com/s-Not-About-Whip- Spirituality/dp/1412001838 http://www.lustlovelatex.com/books/when-someone-you-love-is-kinky.htm http://www.amazon.com/Different-Loving-Sexual-Dominance-Submission/dp/0679769560 http://bondage.com/blogs.html Good luck!
Have you considered that something may be missing in your sex life? Maybe he is bored- and maybe it is time to try something new. Why not try asking him what it is that turns him on about the chats he is taking part in. You might find that what he wants isn't so bad, and is actually fun. Or not, but imho, someone who wants a dominant/ submissive relationship and cant get it is basically unhappy, and cant really feel fulfilled by vanilla sex. Its really just a matter of seeing it as a need, not a nasty thing he is hiding from you. If he loves you, and you love him, talking about it is the only thing you can do. Good luck, anyway.
Being caught chatting about this subject can be cheating I think. Was he looking to find something outside of the marriage or trying to chat with others in the scene? I must say there is nothing wrong with bdsm, fetishes, kink, etc. and can be an enjoybale thing for all involved. There are alot of support groups out there for bdsm for enlightening people about the activity and helping people find their paths through it. But must say if was doing to get kicks out of it then yeah cheating in a way.
Well, you've certainly been given a lot of answers! I will second what some people have said that I wouldn't consider it cheating unless he's got some sort of online relationship with a particular person. And even then, if it's remained online only, cheating is kind of a harsh word. Just chatting about these subjects can be the same as reading an erotic novel, watching a movie, or looking at pictures. Plain and simple, it's arousing and harmless. You do need to talk to your husband and find out if the whole bdsm thing is something he feels like he wants/needs in his life. Maybe you could try it too. You never know. Keep an open mind. BDSM is not a sick, twisted, wrong, perverted thing. It's a natural form of expression that a lot of people find very fulfilling. Many men are online talking to other people about it because they are too embarressed to tell their wives. Perhaps even you have some darker fantasies you'd like fulfilled and you and he can share a new part of yourselves with each other?