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Does god grow in stages?
The First Monkey God The first monkey god was probably just some sort of monkey. One would imagine that worship involved the procurement of bananas and various grooming of lice, etc. It is difficult to know with any accuracy, however, as monkeys in these days had not yet invented language, with which they could write down their ideas and immediately start killing anyone who disagreed with them. God Delegates to Gods Eventually the God thing just got to be too much for God and so he invented Mount Doom and some other lesser gods that would share duties with Him. Poseidon presided over Adventureland, Apollo ran the hair club for men and Athena ruled a city in Greece named Athens in which buggery had gotten out of control. God Goes Back To Basics God wrapped up the gods of Doom shortly after he invented Jews and went back to having sole control over His domain. At this time he wrote the Bible and commanded that the Jews steal everyone's money and then kill them, with special attention to women and children. God Becomes Jesus and Starts the Crusades The Jews pissed off God sometime right before the invention of Jesus, and so He decided to become Christian and begin the Crusades. During this time God had almost no sense of humor about anyone resisting His message and so He invented torture. Many, many people were persuaded by these tactics. Especially practitioners of BDSM, who later went on to create Gothic Culture. God Becomes Allah and Gives Peace a Chance The people that were persuaded by the Crusades got their chance to bring God's vision of lasting peace to the Earth when he became Allah and decreed that the brown people could now have their revenge. Equipping them with various and sundry weapons and a healthy dose of virgins, brown people worldwide began blowing themselves up on the subway. At long last, peace from our loving Heavenly Father. God is Fashionable Sometime before 1975, God shaved his flowing white beard and has been wearing a pencil thin mustache ever since.
Public Comments
- Elvis was God
- Nick Cave is my personal God.
- All the gods grow, just as the human mind evolves, or realizes itself.
