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How do i trust my boyfriend?

Me and my boyfriend are starting a long distance relationship. 2 days after i left he put up personal ads. one that said strictly looking for friends but if anything happens so be it. Another SWM 25 looking for some BDSM play. I found other ads one looking for a date for News Years. He told me he left his phone at work that why he couldnt call me and he spent new years at home. The funny thing is the times he put the ads up he would call me later that day. Usually we text and im. When i found the personal ads i imed him under a different name and simply said lets have sex. he said give me directions i'll come over regardless. He claims the im wasnt him, but i know it was him because of the lingo and he said the personal ads were because he messed up and was lonely. He said since nothing happen... and the guys are prone to make mistakes it's ingrained and girls should be more forgiven. and he quoted the lass kiss how zack braff needed to be with someone else to know how he really feels about his girl. me and my guy are suppose to get married. right now he is not a great catch but he is in "rehab" getting his life together. He is finally ready to admitt he has bipolar and start taking his pills, quick doing pot, and drinking. he is getting clean and sober. Anyway, i know it was him on the im and personal ads hurt. He hangs out with a lot of girls, but it didnt bother me when i was with him nor did it bother me now that we are long distance, but because of all the above whenever he mentions a girl it hurts and makes me sad because i am not there so who knows what he is really doing. How can i trust him again. i do love him, but...

Public Comments

You cannot, you relationship won't work with it being a long distance relationship.
too long to read You cant give him trust he has to earn it. if he gives you reason not to trust him, then thats that dont trust him. There is always someone better than him.
Wow, you need to find somebody better. Stand up for yourself and dump this loser!
You're never going to be able to fully trust him. You want to, but it can't happen.
Not worth your trouble really. If 2 days apart he already started trolling the personal ads, he's not that dedicated. You can do better.
Oh my god, you can't. If you don't end it you are a fool.
you don't trust em
Just dump the loser.
He sounds utterly immature and totally not ready to commit. I say dump him and move him. Seriously if my BF did ANY of that I would be taking some serious actions.
He is sleeping around behind your back. It's obvious. It's clear. Get out before you get any more involved or get a STI from him.
you have to just trust and beleive him i guess or leave him because no one deserves that cheating is wrong in every form
give it some time and if it doesnt wor out move on
From a guys perspective - get rid of him. I believe that you love him for your willingness to forgive, but you deserve better than that. A long distance relationship is no excuse for what he's doing.
How can you trust someone like that? In my opinion, you should not, forget about him. He is clearly not someone you would want to be with, from what I am getting which you wrote here. Now him saying that women should be more forgiving is bull crap. Just a lame excuse. Why should you be forgiving when you opened up to him, he took advantage, and sleeps around with other women? Not someone to trust at all!
You're suppose to be marrying this guy? He sounds like a pig. Leave him. This is only going to cause more trouble in your marriage life if you continue to go on. Knowing that he sent that IM and was in those personal ads will ruin your relationship because you'll never be able to fully trust him again. It may be hard to let go but, it's for the best.
i wouldnt trust him that much if theres another incident like that...but if you want to stay with him which you probably do...do something else and try to make him not want anyone else
Cut him off. Don't try to trust someone that is not trustworthy.
Either you choose to trust him, or you don't trust him, and probably never will. Move on to someone you trust more. p.s.: I never liked the saying "trust has to be earned" that some people are using. To me, trust is a gift that you have to give, if you expect something in return. But that's not to say that you should give again it to people who've already betrayed your trust.
You don't need to trust him again. It's going to hurt, but you should break up with him and move on. Long distance relationships rarely work. Guys are more physical than girls in most circumstances and he will cheat on you, it sounds like, if he's putting up these personal ads and agreed to having sex when you IMed him. He's lying to you, and most likely cheating on you, so I say move on, get a good man, and be happy. It won't hurt as long as you might think. Things will get better and you should find someone who deserves you.
It's only natural for males to seek many different partners, it's our instinct. Sex is not love it usually comes along in the bundle yes, but sex is mainly due to lust which has nothing to do with love at all. Therefore he can love you but still sleep with someone else, but he wouldn't if he loves you because he wouldn't want to hurt you.
You don't. How many red flags do you need? He is not that into you. Do not marry this guy or have children with him. He will only hurt you over and over. He already has. By staying with him you are telling him his actions are approved. Respect yourself. Love yourself. Leave and never look back and never feel guilty about putting yourself first.
Well first off if hes doing pot hes not a really good person to be around but i dont know thats just me. and i wouldent trust him but if you want to keep him than you can but the next time something like that happens than i would dump him
My dear, you deserve so much better than this. You cannot trust this person. He is playing you like a cheap guitar. You need to end this relationship, telling him that once he gets clean and sober, and decides he wants to commit to you, then he can give you a call, and MAYBE you'll answer. YOU be the one to end it, and end it with dignity and as few words as possible. But for heaven's sake, don't sit by the phone. Move on with your life. There are trustworthy men out there...just wait until the right one comes along. Good luck, and God bless.
are you really in love with him or are you really lying to yourself... a marriage of convenience is one that will not last... i find it difficult to believe that there are girls out there that do not have enough self pride to get away from harmful relationships... it is obvious that this man is out to 'have sex' with whoever wants to have sex with him... is this the lifestyle you want and is this what you want for your future family? i know a lot of people say listen to your 'heart' but really... think about it, look at the facts, use your brains - this is an important life decision - don't waste it away...
Why would you trust him? You can't trust him cause you know he is bad! Get a real dude that ain't just about gettin the pecker wet.
i think you need to take a break. give him some time to figure things out. if he needs to be with other women to figure out how much he loves you, then he needs to do it when he is single. get some space and break it off, if after a few months you both want to get back together try to work things out again, but in that time you may find that both of you were great together but it just wasn't worth any long term commitment
The question is can you trust him? A long distance relationship can work if you trust your partner. If you don't trust him already it is just going to drive you insane. In order for you to trust him again he is going to have to earn it.
You can't trust him until he proves he is trustworthyi know that sounds like a doctor phil answer but it's true. He would have to do something major to prove to you
Based on what you're saying, if it were me, I'd be out the door so fast it would make your head spin. He's proven to be a liar, he's doing drugs which may or may not continue. He's willing to be unfaithful to you. Also, you mention he's not a great catch so why are you keeping him? Everyone deserves someone who will treat them great. Don't settle for less. Choose someone who will make you glad you chose them
I know you may not like this, but even though you love him, he may not be ready for the type of relationship you are looking for. From the looks of it, he is honestly telling you that he still wants to have fun while being in a relationship with you. It may hurt for you to let him go, but it may also be the option for the both of you now as you already don't trust him and you are feeling betrayed and that's the wrong way to feel before going into a marriage. Maybe some time apart may give him a new respect for you and give you time to really figure out what you really want. If nothing else, you stand your ground for demanding respect and find someone who will not treat you the way you are being treated now.
You can only trust him if he truly gets his life together and stays in rehab. Being in a relationship with someone whose bipolar is very difficult. This is a life long disease he will be dealing with, and you have to think about this. Are you willing to deal with his manic and depressive phases? Have you researched it and really understand what you're getting into? To love someone with bipolar is difficult, but for better or for worse, right? I think you have to give him a final ultimatum. If he does this again, you're gone. If he stops taking his pills or starts smoking again, you're gone. You deserve to be loved and cherished, and if he can't give that to you, then get out of this relationship. Really think about this, good luck!
I know this is not what you want to hear but when your 'boyfriend' is putting up ads looking for other girls and quickly responded to someone he didn't know looking for sex, I think that tells you plain and clear that he's not intending on being faithful to you. I know that you love him and you want to believe what he says but actions always speak louder than words. Of course he's telling you what you want to head but look at what he's doing!! Long distance relationships are hard and of course he's going to be lonely but being in a serious relationship is a commitment that requires he be faithful to you and putting up personal ads seeking singles if the exact opposite of what someone in a relationship should be doing. If he can't handle the long distance he should not hurt you any further.
he put up ads, and replied to ims, please don't make the mistake of allowing him to break your heart, once a cheater always a cheater. i was in the same situation and i thought i loved him but you can love someone who does not love you back honestly... like you said he is not a great catch, so go find one who is who can treat you better and make you feel appreciated. and who know how many girls im'ed him before you tryed to do it undercover. if you cant trust him now there is no way you are gonna grow to trust him. dont let your heart get broken.
Don't trust him. Once gone bad...it's very difficult to correct yourself. It's admirable of you to try to trust him again, but I personally think it's not worth it. Look for someone else. You are about to marry him...I would say...Better avoid the problems you will have later, than go through them and end things badly. It's a waste of time, emotion and money. So rethink all this through. You don't have to marry him. Put your foot down what is right for you and what you are worth and what you deserve. So THINK AGAIN!....He ain't right for anybody....Good luck and May God Bless you in life. =)
Let me see if I have the big picture .. he is in rehab, you have a long distant relationship, he is putting personal ads in the newspapers, there is lying, possible cheating and there are trust issues. Get a grip and slap yourself, it is obvious you are not thinking clearly. You are too smart to get tangled up with a guy that really needs help. Since you are not a professional therapist, I think you should bow out while you can. You are setting yourself up for heartaches and many, many sleepless nights with this relationship. Save yourself and walk away. Good luck