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Troubling question about children seeing parents sex practices?
Something really problematic happened few days ago. My husband and I both came home early from work and started to becoming intimate. We are active in bdsm and that time we were having a very rough encounter (whips, clamps, and a gag ball). We are very careful to keep this lifestyle away from my 6 y/o daughter (was a single mom before). But that day we were so loud we didn't hear hear her come in from her carpool (early release day at school). She heard my pain cries and ran to see my husband and me. Now she's convinced that my husband (her step-father) is abusing me. (He's a very sweet hubby and father but now shes too scared to even let him talk to her.) What do we do now? Do we need to talk her to a therapist? I know we were very irresponsible but don't know what to do now.
Public Comments
- Oh my gosh thats horrible (for all of you!) I really wouldn't know what to do about it either!
- My husband is in to that as well and it worries me when our baby gets bigger. How much did she see? maybe you could explain that you were make believe play etc the less of a deal you make out of it the better I would think. I could see were this would be scary for a child.
- My advice is easy and obvious in theory, but hard to put into practice. Tell her the truth. You were playing a game of pretend. Just like your daughter plays, grown-ups play too. Don't get into why you play, your daughter doesn't understand what sexual pleasure is, but she doesn't have to. She does, however, understand that play=fun!
- You can try explaining that you guys were just playing pretend just like she likes to play pretend some times. But that you guys were playing grown up pretend and that she should never play like that. because if she believes you she might want to play like that with her friends. But if that don't work bring her to a therapist. Catching their parents having traditional sex is very hard for a child to understand but catching mom and dad in a s&m sex act can be very tramatizing for a child that young.
- You have just got to give her time, try explaining that you were playing around that you were acting for a play, any old stupid story, make anything up, and just reassure her that your husband isn't hurting you, but don't keep going on about it, just sit her down both you and your husband and talk to her, then say no more about it! with a little patience and time and seeing you and your husband loving towards each other, and seeing you are genuinely happy, she will eventually see that it was all some misunderstanding and things will be back to normal before you know it. Get the idea of a therapist out of your mind, no need for that, just patience and reassurance. Don't go beating yourself up about it either, things happen, we just got to deal with them the best we can, everything will be fine you'll see xx
