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Help me decide?

When I married my husband I did take the vow to love honour and obey. my husband took the vow to love honour and cherish, I do love him very much and our marriage is good he works very hard. I on the other hand have never worked, he won't allow it. We do go to swingers clubs and i do most things my husband wants me to do. But now says he wants to join a bdsm club and i,m not sure anyone tell me more about this.

Public Comments

1. Sounds to me like he is a control freak.... sooner or later you are going to get hurt... he is not respecting you as a human being with your own mind...! The very fact that you have posted this question to me sounds like you should be saying no...!!!
2. agreed bigman
3. To each their own. For me, more than two people in a marriage is way too much.
4. What is a bdsm club? seriously i really don't know, but anyway if something makes you feel uncomfortable than don't do it.
5. I'm sure your husband knows what it is so I would ask him! I think your husband took his wedding vows and made his own understanding out of them.
6. Bigman said it all really. How about you doing what YOU want to do for a change. Divorce the creep.
7. I don't mean to be rude by any means but it sure sounds like he is trying to be your pimp and you are his whore. I would stir things up and get a job and tell him that your marriage is going to be fifty fifty for now on. Saying your vows never meant for you to become a door mat. Do what gives you some self worth and pride.
8. Whats a bdsm club? I personnally don't understand why anyone would want to be a swinger, its like saying its ok to cheat. At least you will be together in hell.
9. the chain of the mariage are too heavy, so we need to be 3 to support them...... more than 3, it's works tooo....
10. use your own mind on this. would you play russian roulette with him stop being controlled
11. When you take the vows to Love, honour and obey your husband is realisically taking the bigger vow to love, HONOUR and cherish. Basically he is making the commitment not to tell you to do things that degrade yourself and cherish means to protect you. If he is asking you to do things that you find morally wrong then he is breaking his vows. If you don't want to go then tell him no - he is not keeping to his side... I certainly wouldn't ask my wife to go to swinger or BDSM clubs, it doesnt sound like honour to me
12. Hey... what happened to your self esteem... BDSM club is going to be humiliating experience. Take a stand and say NO. Take a deep breath and say it . Say it firmly. And don go even once. My God. The things Husbands to to nice loving Wives... Do do it. All the best
13. First off, regardless of vows of "obey" that doesn't mean doing anything that you are against doing. If you like swinging, great. If you don't than you shouldn't be doing it just because he wants to and you promised to "obey". The same goes for BDSM. If it isn't your gig, if it doesn't interest you, if the idea isn't a turn-on, then you shouldn't do it and your husband should "honor" that decision. More than anywhere else in a relationship, opening it up to others, like through swinging, everything has to be on level ground between you. There can be no equality, no coercion, no manipulation to do things. One of the first rules of swinging is "if it doesn't work for both either one of you, than it doesn't work for both of you as a couple." The good of the couple ALWAYS trumps the good of the individual. So in short, if it turns you on do it. If it doesn't tell your husband why and he should honor your feelings and not do it himself.
14. I think you need out of this relationship
15. BDSM is typical of an entirely different lifestyle though some things remain the same. With all things done jointly discussion and strong communication is key. Research, discuss and then research and discuss some more!
16. divorce sounds better
17. Your vows were made under the Christian religion and as such your husband is supposed to take care of you and treat you like a princess. He should be making wise and loving decisions for the good of his family and in return, his wife trusts and obeys his decisions. Sadly, whilst women have for centuries obeyed, men have let themselves down by not being loving, wise and giving partners but by being abusive, domineering and cruel. If you enjoy multiple partners and bondage and sado masochism then by all means, sin on your own time. If you do not enjoy these things, then you should leave him immediately. Weakness is never an excuse to avoid the teachings of the Christian church. If you are not Christians then your vows are meaningless anyway and your question irrelevant. In the end, you are doing as you want so its perhaps not a good idea to blame your husband entirely!
18. Bigman2ab has it again!