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can a women who has been in the bdsm lifestyle for the last 10 years,just up and quit?
i recently found out my girlfriend of 8 yrs.has been into the bdsm lifestyle,shes had her share of masters,doms etc.she has even been to all the sf clubs.i have found out that she is a submissive,i even saw her profile on collarme.com i busted her,i now know where all those bruises came from.she now tells me that she no longer does that anymore.can you just quit something like that.
Public Comments
- with willpower sure
- If you "busted"her and she has bruises, then she's still doing it. If your not into s&m or don't trust her, let her go.
- just go back. nobody wantz u. {I'll tie u up}
- sure
- I don't think it's that easy to just up and quit.
- As with any addiction it can be overcome. It will take time and understanding on your part, but if you love her and she loves you I don't see why she couldn't give it up. Be ready though, she will probably slip from time to time, as with any addiction. Dominatrix is an adrenaline rush, regardless of which side of the whip your on. Maybe find another pastime to get her juices flowing? I wish you the best.
- you can, but this may be a sex addiction as well...I'd keep my eye on her closely then decide what you want to do if she continues, because esp. if she's having other sex partners, she could give u std's
- Miracles can happen...I suppose?!?!
- Anything can be conquered with the right attitude, but to give it up, that's questionable. Look at it like this, this was a LIFESTYLE she was living not just fun and games and if you don't "get down" like that she may be unfaithful and that is no good to you. SO...BE CAREFUL and buy yourself some handcuffs!! GOOD LUCK!!
- Not likely, to be honest. I am a sub who married the most vanilla boy next door imaginable... My activity now consists entirely of discussion and social interaction but no "play", and it's very hard to walk away from the lifestyle.
- i highly doubt it. Being dominant or submissive is part of who you are; It's something you're born with. I'm a very dominant person and i could never be submissive or switch. if she's been unfaithful i'd say just let her go, she's not worth it. BDSM is not about being unfaithful, as a matter of fact it's more about trust and honesty than anything else.
- From personal experience, No. BUT.. that doesn't mean it's not possible. For me, BDSM is not a choice, its not something I consciously choose. It's an innate part of my being. It's a need that cannot be explained, nor dismissed. However, for some it is a choice, its an interest, and it can be a part-time thing. I know plenty of people who choose to just "play" on weekends, but still have a long term relationship and it works out just fine. I would ask her (if you wish salvage this relatioship) what she gets out of this lifestyle... if there is anything you can do to satisfy those needs. There are plenty of informational meetings you can attend together without the "play" aspect.
- why would you want to force her to do what she does not want to do? you cannot make someone happy against their will if they do nto like it, they can stop. free will!
- It is hard to quit something that you have been trained to do. To quit being a submissive is like quitting ciggs cold turkey. I am a Domme and have been married to a vanilla for 5 years. He has not expected me to walk away from it, but remember a lot of the submission doesn't have anything to do with sex. She may not be having any type of sexual contact with her Master at all. It's all about control and not having any, letting someone else make the decisions for you. If she has a very stressful and high-end job, then maybe she just likes to hand over control of herself for a while. Talk to her about it. Read up on the BDSM lifestyle and try to become her Master. You may actually enjoy yourself and then you would be in control of the relationship, which I suspect is what you really want to begin with.
